Self Esteem Therapy When Self-Criticism Runs the Show

Self-esteem issues rarely announce themselves loudly. More often, they show up quietly; in self-doubt, overthinking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or a constant sense that you are falling short, even when others see you as capable or successful.

Many people who seek self esteem therapy are not lacking confidence in the obvious sense. They may function well at work, maintain relationships, and carry responsibility competently. What brings them to therapy is the exhausting internal commentary; the harsh self-judgement, the fear of getting it wrong, or the feeling that worth depends on performance, usefulness, or approval.

Self-esteem is not about liking yourself all the time. It is about how you relate to yourself when things are hard.

When self-esteem becomes fragile

Low self-esteem often develops in response to lived experience. Early criticism, emotional neglect, cultural expectations, trauma, migration, caregiving roles, or systems that rewarded compliance over authenticity can all shape how a person learns to value themselves.

Over time, this can lead to patterns such as:

• chronic self-criticism or shame

• difficulty setting boundaries

• anxiety about disappointing others

• minimising achievements while magnifying mistakes

• relying on external validation to feel okay

These patterns are understandable adaptations. They helped you cope at one point. The problem arises when they continue long after they stop serving you.

How self esteem therapy works

Self esteem therapy is not about replacing negative thoughts with positive slogans. It focuses on understanding where your self-view came from, how it has been shaped by relationships, culture, and systems, and how it shows up in your emotional and relational life today.

In therapy, we work slowly and respectfully to:

• notice self-critical patterns without reinforcing them

• understand the emotional logic behind them

• develop a steadier internal voice that is firm but not punishing

• build self-trust rather than self-monitoring

This work often draws on relational, narrative, emotionally focused, and mindfulness-based approaches. Together, these help shift self-esteem from something you must earn into something that can be held with greater stability.

Self-esteem and relationships

Low self-esteem rarely stays contained inside one person. It influences how we attach, communicate, argue, withdraw, or over-function in relationships. Many people discover that as self-esteem strengthens, relationships become less reactive, less anxious, and more reciprocal.

Therapy creates space to explore this safely; without blame, and without pressure to change who you are.

A steadier way of relating to yourself

Self esteem therapy supports you to move from constant self-assessment toward self-respect. This does not mean losing ambition or accountability. It means no longer needing to punish yourself to grow.

If you recognise yourself in this, therapy may offer a way to relate to yourself with more clarity, dignity, and ease.

Based in Perth, WA, LEXs provides telehealth counselling across Australia for individuals, couples, and NDIS participants. Services extend to Social Work supervision, Peer Work supervision, training, and keynote speaking on men’s mental health, CaLD community wellbeing, and culturally responsive suicide prevention; helping people and organisations make mental-health care more compassionate, inclusive, and effective. LEXs provides services across Australia, supporting clients in Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, and beyond. To learn more about our work across Australia, visit LEXs' services page.