5 Relationship Questions to Help You Grow Together - Insights from Couples Therapy in Australia

Great relationships don’t just happen. They’re not stumbled upon in perfect form. They are intentionally shaped, much like a sculptor revealing beauty hidden within stone. In the world of therapy, this idea is captured in what researchers call the Michelangelo effect - a concept that describes how partners can support one another to grow into their best selves over time.

In my work with couples, I often witness the profound shift that occurs when partners choose to uncover rather than assume each other’s evolving inner worlds. We all change. Our dreams shift, our needs deepen, and our wounds show up in new ways. When couples intentionally check in with one another, they create more than just “problem-solving” relationships - they create emotionally safe, future-oriented partnerships where both people can thrive.

Here are five powerful questions I recommend couples explore together. These are not just conversation starters; they are invitations to deeper understanding, growth, and connection.

1. Are We Tackling This Together - Or Against Each Other?

Conflict is natural in every relationship. What makes or breaks a couple is not whether arguments happen, but how they’re handled. Research on cooperation in relationships highlights the importance of adopting a “we” mindset - one that frames problems as shared challenges rather than individual burdens.

When we view each other as allies instead of opponents, we are more likely to approach issues with generosity and perspective-taking. A competitive mindset, on the other hand, can turn simple disagreements into power struggles where one person’s win becomes the other’s loss. Couples therapy can help realign this mindset so that both partners feel heard, valued, and on the same team.

2. Do You Feel Emotionally Safe With Me Right Now?

It’s not just the big declarations of love that matter - it’s whether your partner feels they can show up fully, vulnerably, and without fear of criticism or dismissal. Emotional safety is the foundation for all secure relationships.

Drawing from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we know that healing happens when partners slow down, reflect each other’s emotions, and soften their tone. Asking “Do you feel safe with me?” can uncover places where disconnection or hurt might have taken root, and opens the door to repair.

3. What’s Changed For You Lately - And How Can I Show Up Better?

Too often, we assume we know our partner inside out - forgetting that change is constant. What stressed them six months ago may not be what’s affecting them now. What made them feel loved last year may have shifted.

4. What Makes You Feel Loved These Days?

Love languages are not set in stone. A partner who once felt most connected through physical affection may now need quality time or acts of service. This shift doesn’t mean love has diminished - just that its expression has changed.

As life changes - through work stress, parenting, grief or growth - our emotional needs change too. Staying attuned means staying connected.

5. Are We Still Dreaming Together - Or Just Managing Life?

Relationships can fall into rhythms of logistics: school runs, meal planning, mortgage repayments. These are necessary, but they’re not enough. Couples who continue to dream together - whether it’s a holiday, a new lifestyle, or a creative pursuit - tend to stay more connected over time.

Reigniting shared vision doesn’t require major changes. Sometimes it’s just sitting together after dinner and asking, “Where do you see us in five years?” or “What’s one thing you’d love for us to try together?”

Dreaming gives your relationship breath. Without it, even solid relationships can start to feel like co-managed routines rather than soul-led partnerships.

Final Thoughts

Relationships, like people, are living, evolving entities. They require care, attention, and courageous curiosity. These five questions are not magic solutions, but they can serve as relational anchors - helping you and your partner stay connected, even in times of stress or disconnection.

If you’re interested in exploring these conversations with professional support, I offer structured couples therapy in Australia grounded in evidence-based frameworks. Let’s work together to help your relationship not just survive - but grow into something enduring and life-giving.

Based in Perth, WA, LEXs provides telehealth counselling across Australia for individuals, couples, and NDIS participants. Services extend to Social Work supervision, Peer Work supervision, training, and keynote speaking on men’s mental health, CaLD community wellbeing, and culturally responsive suicide prevention; helping people and organisations make mental-health care more compassionate, inclusive, and effective. LEXs provides services across Australia, supporting clients in Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, and beyond. To learn more about our work across Australia, visit LEXs' services page.